


Foul Diplomacy

by Ramblingandpie



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Chickens, Fluff, Gen, literal fluff, not vegetarian friendly, there is a lot of talk about eating the chickens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 18:42:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19183525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramblingandpie/pseuds/Ramblingandpie
Summary: The crew of the Tempest is charged with bringing some very important cargo to Eos.The cargo is chickens.





	Foul Diplomacy

Emails from Addison were always about something either really good or really bad, and somehow, Addison never gave it away ahead of time.

But Ryder had to bring the crew to the Nexus anyway, and Addison would be nigh unavoidable. She just hoped it would be something good.

As she approached Addison's office, the women's expression was as serious as ever. "Ryder," she said. "I'm glad you were able to come quickly. I know the email said it wasn't urgent, but I like to get things done when they come to my attention."

Ryder still had no clue if something good or bad had happened.

"We have news from Prodromos that their agriculture program is going quite well. They are producing enough that they are ready to take the next step."

Oh! Good news, then.

"They are going to celebrate with a fair, and I would like you to bring the Tempest to deliver the guests of honor."

Ok. Bigwigs on the Tempest. Bad news.

"We brought several hundred viable chicken eggs aboard and have thawed a few dozen from cryo. They are in a special incubator that does everything until they hatch."

Baby chickens! Eggs that would require no maintenance, even! Good news.

"That's great news," Ryder said. "We'll make sure they get safe to Eos."

"And you'll also be guests of honor at the fair, of course. I understand they're going to have some carnival games. Try to have some fun." The tone in her voice belied a complete unfamiliarity with the concept.

By the time Ryder got back to the Tempest, the cargo hold had been loaded with the incubators, which were hooked into local power. Gil, Suvi, and Liam were admiring the bounty.

"We're going to have chickens again!" Suvi happily announced as Ryder came in.

Gil laughed. "She won't stop, Ryder."

"Can you blame her?" Liam asked. "Delicious little beasts."

"They're great for terraforming, too," Suvi said. "They eat just about everything. Their manure is great for the plants. I can see why they decided to have chickens as our first livestock."

"And," Liam chimed in, "super delicious."

Gil nodded.

"I, for one," Ryder said, "am interested to see these carnival games that Addison mentioned." 

The group nodded in agreement.

PeeBee came in and pressed her nose to the glass. "So these are the chickens you all keep talking about?"

"Yep," Ryder replied.

"How long until we get to eat them?"

"About six months," Suvi replied. The translators they used automatically converted it to the time system PeeBee had grown up with.

"And the… eggs? You eat the eggs, right?"

"Also six months."

PeeBee sighed. "Why can't we just eat these ones? I mean. Not all of them. Just a few."

Gil laughed. Suvi patiently explained about eating only unfertilized eggs, and these were all definitely fertilized.

When Suvi finished, Liam announced, "So basically it looks like meat's back on the menu!"

Gil raised an eyebrow at him. Liam sighed. “Man, you all really need to watch the classics. Ryder, is it too late to turn back around and pick up some more films?”

That earned him a light punch to the shoulder from nearly everyone involved.

***  
They were one day out from Eos when SAM rang the alert.

One of Addison’s assistants had warned them that they weren’t exactly sure how thawing from cryo might affect the incubation period. It turned out to be well-deserved.

“C’mon, Kallo,” Suvi said. “Put her on auto. You’re the one with the most experience on eggs.”

He sighed. “I hatched from one. That’s it.”

“But you remember it, right?”

“Yes.”

“So c’mon!”

She practically dragged him to the incubators.

Cracks were beginning to form on a few of the shells. Suvi began unpacking the temperature-controlled brood boxes.

“Okay,” she announced to Kallo and to the others who had begun to filter in. “We let them hatch on their own. Tempting as it is, no touching. They have to dry off first. Liam, Jaal, help me get this out of the crate.”

“Wait. How do you know so much about hatching chickens?” Ryder asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes. The alarm had clearly woken her up.

“Did anyone read the instructions? Honestly. Lexi, tell me you read the instructions,” Suvi pleaded as Lexi came in.

“And several books while we were in transit,” Lexi said, as she began to fiddle with the uncrated brood box. Suvi brought Liam and Jaal over to the next crate to begin opening it.

“Also, my parents did a ton of science experiments with us when we were kids. We did a few rounds of chickens and ducks.”

“So why did you need my help?” Kallo asked, arms outstretched in the universal gesture of uselessness.

“I didn’t know who else would come, and these things are awful heavy. Plus, this is the best part. Everyone quiet for a minute.”

A hush fell over the room except for the tiny peep peep noises coming from the incubator.

“They’re calling the other chicks.”

Lexi nodded. “Hearing the other chicks cues the ones still in eggs to begin hatching.”

Suvi’s cheeriness did perk the crew up, and soon enough everyone around was taking turns working on the brood boxes, and checking on the chicks from time to time.

“I wasn’t expecting them to be quite so goopy,” Liam said. Suvi assured him that the chicks would fluff up when they dried.

“Were you so awkward and goopy when you hatched, Kallo?” PeeBee asked as she opened a vacuum-packed bag of shredded paper, all recycled from Nexus use.

“Worse,” Kallo assured her. “My fins were tiny.”

“Fins?”

He shrugged. “We grow out of them. These look like they stay in place, though?”

“Wings, not fins,” Lexi corrected as she peered into the incubator to check the progress, and began to scan the eggs that hadn’t hatched yet.

Liam added that the wings were “also known as the most delicious part of the bird.”

This spawned an argument amongst the entire human crew about whether white meat or dark meat was better, and when eating wings, if the actual wing or the drumstick was best. Ryder and Liam came down firmly on the side of flat wings; Gil apparently loved drumsticks; Cora fondly remembered the baked chicken breast she used to eat as a child; and Suvi declared that they all had wonderful, delicious merits.

Jaal asked Lexi about the nutritional qualities, and she elaborated at length about the protein, fat, and vitamin contents of chicken meat. She offered to send him some of the studies she had found; he declined the 122-page biochemical nutritional guide. Still, though, by her analysis, chicken meat would be incredibly healthy for angara to eat, even if it might take some trial and error to figure out what combination of spices would make it palatable.

After several hours, Suvi and Lexi declared that the surviving chicks were ready for transfer to the brooding box. There, they would stay warm and have everything they needed. Several crewmembers had wandered off, but Ryder and Jaal helped gently scoop up the cheeping chicks and place them in their new home. Lexi did final scans on the last few eggs, and declared them destined for compost.

Ryder collapsed backwards onto a chair. “Phew! They are cute, but I am ready to hit the hay.”

Jaal got up and wearily walked towards the brood box. “Remind me, Suvi. Which part is the hay? And why does it need to be hit?” Shortly thereafter, “Why are you laughing?”

Ryder explained the translation error.

“Seriously, though,” Lexi said. “You are all chronically sleep deprived. The automated brooding system will take care of the chicks. Off to bed, all of you.”

She accepted no excuses.

Suvi whispered to Ryder as they walked out, “Next thing you know, she’ll make us all wear matching brightly-colored t-shirts to the fair so she can easily find us if we get lost.”

“I heard that!”

“If only all diplomats were small, fluffy, and peeping!” Ryder said to Suvi as they said their goodnights.


End file.
